Judith Ann Charlesworth Meeks

October 19, 1939 - November 23, 2012

On a cold Tuesday afternoon friends and family gathered at the Chattanooga National Cemetery to say goodbye to my Mom who had passed away the previous Friday evening. Before she died my Mom asked me to lead the graveside service. I have had the challenge and privilege of preaching in many venues across the world. Nothing was harder than saying goodbye to my Mother. The following is the notes from my fifteen minute remarks. Many have asked if I would post them online. You can also listen to a recording of the event posted on my website by clicking here.

           

           How do you summarize the importance of anyone’s life in fifteen minutes? Even if we had two hours it would never do justice to the occasion. So I will attempt to say a few things today. I can assure you that I will not be profound, erudite or articulate. I couldn’t do that if I wanted. Today, I am simply a grieving son who deeply grieves the loss of his mother. I am here for one reason, Moma wanted me to do this and I want please my mother.

               I ask the grandkids, “What do you think of, when you think of your Granny?” There were three words that were consistent in all of their memories.

            Number one, Granny was FUN. She was not your typical Granny. Jacob said, when we went to the arcade she didn’t give you a quarter, she would give you twenty dollars! Many years ago when the grandkids played the arcade at the bowling alley, she would not have her grandkids getting those little cheap toys you usually get with your meager coupons. After playing all summer they had tens of thousands of tickets and they came out with little T.V.’s and Radios.

            They also said Granny was CURRENT. She never got stuck in a previous decade. She knew how to speak their language. She knew that a dollar in the fifties will not buy the same thing today. She was never stuck in the fifties, sixties, or seventies. She understood their world and she could relate to it.

            Finally they said Granny was GENEROUS. Granny was a generous grandmother to her grandchildren. She would take them out to by them clothes before school started and she bought them some real clothes. These grandkids loved to get their birthday card from Granny. You do not have to be a millionaire to be generous.

            I am confident that Katie and Courtney, Jacob, Jordan, Jessie Kate, and Joy, and Patton and Savannah will always remember their Granny as the fun and generous woman that she was.

            My mother loved her daughters-in-law and sons-in-law. Back when I was living with James and Mom while in high school, I brought home some interesting girls. Mom was always diplomatic but I will never forget the time after I brought Amy to meet her. She said, “Barry, this is the one!” She loved you so much Amy. You were the daughter she never had. Amy has known my Mom since she was seventeen years old and she loved my Mom as well. When Jacob was making his way into this world, Amy wanted my mother to be with her and Mom travelled down and stayed with us in Hattiesburg, MS the month before Jacob was born. You were so good to my Mother, Amy and I know you will miss her as well.

            Gail, she loved you so much and you were so good and generous towards her. Thank you. She loved you dearly. To Calvin and Jason I say as well that she loved you and was determined to never show partiality.

            My mother was a very determined woman. What made her determination different is that she always found a way to have fun in the middle of all the inevitable challenges that come to all of our lives. After my brother Keith was born the doctors told her that her body would never be able to take another pregnancy. My Mom always said that she was an only child and she was determined to not raise an only child. So four years after Keith I was born.

            My mother was determined through all of her medical issues. Because my mom was so beautiful and always laughing it is hard for some to believe what all she has been through. We had a funny experience back in July of this year after her surgery for her brain tumor, the Physician who would help with her follow up treatment came in to her room and after looking over her scans was very perplexed and said, “Mrs. Meeks I am confused at what I am seeing or rather what I am not seeing.” My Mother had a complete hysterectomy after my birth, she had no gallbladder, no appendix, no spleen and one kidney and the one kidney had been operated on and only half of it was present. The Dr. said, “Mrs. Meeks you are missing some parts!”

            I wanted to say today that my Mothers biggest challenge was raising my brother Keith! The truth is she loved Keith so very much. I wondered what stories to tell of Keith and I thought most of them would have to wait until we gather at the pool house. I do want to share one with you. When Mom moved back to Chattanooga and Keith and I were still little we went with her to Kingwood Pharmacy in East Ridge one day. Let’s be honest today, my Mother was a beautiful woman. There were two men that began to follow her around obviously to see if they could get a date. When Keith saw what was happening he turned to them right in the middle of the store and said, “Guys, you do not want her, she is thirty years old!” Mom was horrified. She loved her Keith and she was very proud of everything he has accomplished.

            I have so many memories. I remember driving around every weekend in that old 62 Chevrolet Impala. It was so bad that the rust had taken out parts of the floorboard and you could literally see the road passing by from the inside. We had towels down on the ripped seats. But we learned you did not have to have money to have fun.

            I remember being outside in the freezing rain standing upon a barrel and reaching up to take the electric meter off of the back of our little duplex apartment. They had shut our power off because of lack of payment and we were freezing to death. I took the meter off and “fixed it” like poor people had to do from time to time and we gathered our pennies together and went and paid the bill the next Monday (I hope the statute of limitations has run out for that confession).

            The most important story I can tell you about my Mom today happened when I was a young boy, probably a pre-teen. I stayed with Mom on the weekends those days and we would always get up on Saturday mornings and have these wonderful talks about everything. One Saturday she told me that she had something serious she wanted to tell me. She then proceeded to tell me about the worst decision she had ever made: the decision to leave Chattanooga when Keith and I were very little. She took full and complete responsibility for that decision and asked me to forgive her. She told me that she would live with the results of that decision the rest of her life.

            She also always demanded that I respect my dad. She never said one bad word about him to me ever. She did not have to do that because I respect my dad anyway because he is a great man. But what her actions did was make me respect her.

            As a pastor I have counseled with hundreds maybe even thousands of people who have gone through the difficulties of divorce. I have told every one of them the lesson I learned from my Mom – “RISE ABOVE YOUR DIFFICULTIES AND REFUSE TO USE YOUR CHILDREN TO ADVANCE YOUR OWN BITTERNESS.”

            A month ago she took me out on her back porch and wanted me to help her write out her obituary. I didn’t want to do it but she insisted. As we wrote out the details she said I want to thank my best friends, Terrell and Pam Horton. So, we wrote it in her obituary. Last night at the Funeral home Terrell and Pam gave me a beautiful Eulogy of my Mother and their relationship with her. I want to read it to you today:

EULOGY TO JUDY

A book cannot hold the precious memories you leave behind, but our grieving hearts can and will hold them forever.  In our friendship spanning slightly short of two decades, you have brought so much pleasure and happiness into our lives.  Words cannot express the joy we have shared with you, nor the sadness we feel in our hearts todays.  You have been like a mother, a sister, but most of all; you became our closest, dearest friend. 

Thanks for accepting Terrell’s invitation to join his bowling team, sparking our friendship, which only grew stronger as the years have now so quickly passed.  The fun times at the bowling center will not be forgotten.  Our introduction to karaoke produced many hours of enjoyment with both “good” and “bad” singing throughout the years.  From now on your words of  “I’m next,” “Shut up, I’m trying to sing,” and “It don’t matter, nobody’s listenin’ anyway” will resonate each time we crank up our karaoke system.  You must surely be singing “Move it on over, the big dog’s movin’ in.”

Thanks for introducing us to your family, whom we have grown to love.  We now feel they are a part of ours.  We also thank you for the adopted friends, many of whom we may never have known.

Thanks for the vacation times we spent together whether at home or abroad.  Our cruise in particular would never have been taken had you not convinced us to go. Thanks for flying to Texas with Pam after she begged you to go because she had never flown before and wanted you with her.  The birth of her premature grandson and his open heart surgery persuaded you to give you attending your own granddaughter’s graduation ceremony to hold Pam’s hand as she cried in terror when the plane ascended.  Only a true friend could do that.

Thanks for being there so many times for the “dine-out” or “dine-in” the “hanging-out” or “Hanging –in”, the what if’ or “who cares,” the “all-right!” or “huh-uh?” the “dress-up” or “come as you are,” the “themed party” or “no reason at all get-together,” the “come early” and “stay late,” the “foul moods” and the “happy hours,” the “more the merrier” but in particular the “just us.”

Thanks for our first taste of your white chili and jalapeno cornbread, inducing our craving for it quite often.  You leave behind the recipe, missing only one ingredient, your loving, caring hands mixing it just right.

Thanks for the mystery desserts.  Some were “delicious repeats” and others “never again!”  You leave behind a craving from our sweet teeth for “I’ve got a new dessert recipe I want to try.”

Thanks for your idea to leave the Christmas tree standing year-round in the Pool House.  Decorating it each occasion or for nothing special at all brought us many hours of fun and laughs.  A new tree is standing now that will always embrace a picture of you among the various decorations.  Everyone will remember the tree is there because of you.  It will be impossible to arrive and leave without thinking of you.

We know in time our sorrow will subside, but your memory will forever be cherished within our hearts.  Until we meet again, dear friend, we love you

Terrell and Pam

Thank you Terrell and Pam for being such good friends to my Mom she loved you dearly. Thank you to all of you who were friends at the pool house. Mom cherished her times with you.

            Finally I speak to James. James, you have done a lot of great things in your life. You served our country and you are a Vietnam Veteran. I am so proud of our country today that they provide you and Mom with a final resting place. You are rightfully proud of Brooke and Kelly as you should be. But in my eyes the best thing you ever did was making my Mom’s last 36 years the happiest years of her life. If James could stand up here today He would say how much He loved my Mom but I tell him he doesn’t have to because we have seen it demonstrated in the wonderful 36 years God gave them.

            I would be remiss today if I didn’t take a minute at the closing to give glory to God. In the Gospel of John the fourteenth chapter Jesus spoke to His disciples. They were experiencing the same kind of heart trouble we feel today. Not physical pain but emotional pain at the fact that Jesus had informed them that he would be leaving them soon. In these past few days many of you have comforted me and this family by offering words of encouragement. How thankful we are for good friends. Two of my best friends stand here with me today. We couldn’t make it without good friends. But let’s be honest our words of “it will be ok” are limited by our own human power to do anything about it. Yet when Jesus says, “Let not your heart be troubled.” He has the power to back it up. He links our sentiment to His omnipotence.

John 14:1-6

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know." Thomas said to Him, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

            The preachers have pointed out for years that Jesus reminds us here that Heaven is a real place. It is not a pie-in-the-sky, imaginary, made up fable. It is as real as Jesus Himself. Jesus told us as well that Heaven is a prepared place. Not prepared in the sense that Jesus is a carpenter up there somewhere hammering and sawing and constructing mansions, but rather prepared in that he did what He alone could do and prepare our entrance to Heaven by dying on the Cross for our sins. Our only hope today is a hope that is supplied in the Person and Work of Jesus Christ in preparing the way. It is as well, a prepared place for prepared people. Jesus said I am the way, the only way to heaven. That is the most dogmatic statement that a person could have ever made. It demands a decision out of all of us. Was He a Fool or was He exactly who He said He was? Today we choose that He was exactly who He said He was. Jesus is Lord!

On behalf of James and the rest of the family, I say thank you for coming out on this cold day to honor my mother. God Bless You.